You can’t believe that you are here. Stuck at a crossroad.
For years, you thought you were happy in your marriage. And then one day everything seemed to change. Perhaps your spouse cheated on you, or perhaps you have grown apart. Wondering what went wrong may have become your new normal. Your mind is probably in a constant battle, wondering if staying married is the right thing to do. There is a common dilemma of most couples in this situation
Many studies about the question of staying married have been conducted by psychologists and marriage counselors. Most experts are in agreement on when one should seek out a divorce. We will discuss some of the main factors considered by the experts in the following article.
If you feel that it’s time to make a choice, then considering the pros and cons of getting a divorce can help you make a wise decision.
Should I stay married?
- Was there cheating?
Experts recommend staying married if you and your spouse have a strong and keen desire to work things out. For example, if one spouse cheated but is genuinely repentant for the pain that they have caused, then staying married might be the right thing to do. This would also depend on whether or not the innocent mate can forgive the guilty spouse. But if you both want to work it out and can forgive, then your marriage could end up happier than it was before with some hard work.
- What if you have grown apart?
Before deciding to end your marriage, you need to ask yourself if there is any way that you can make it work? Perhaps you have grown apart recently. Is this because you haven’t been spending enough time together? Or have the stresses of life gotten in the way? If this is the case, taking some time off to spend together could do wonders for your marriage. Seeking the help of a marriage counselor is always a good idea. If you and your spouse struggle to communicate your feelings to one another, a qualified therapist can help you.
- Can you live without your spouse?
Another thing to consider is how would you feel if you and your spouse got divorced? Would you be happier without them in your life? If the thought of being without your significant other fills you with dread, it may be best to stay together. This could mean that you still love your partner, despite your marriage is in a bad space.
- You still have a good time together
Even if there are some really bad days, you might still find some happiness together. If you can still laugh despite hardships, then perhaps working through your issues is the right thing to do.
If you experience any of the above, then making your marriage work would be the best thing to do. Divorce doesn’t always solve heartaches. In some cases, divorce can even make things worse. Consider the disadvantages of divorce below before you make your choice.
What are the cons of divorce?
- Divorce is expensive
Divorce costs a lot of money. This is especially true in the case of a contested divorce. On average a contested divorce costs a couple $15,000 per person. There are online divorce services that can be used to make your divorce much cheaper, but online divorce can only be used for uncontested cases, according to Complete Case.
- Your children will suffer
Children suffer psychologically when their parents get a divorce. Studies have shown that children become more needy, insecure, and even depressed. Oftentimes, their grades suffer too. Children might struggle to concentrate at school because of the stress that they are experiencing at home. A child’s age also plays a factor in how much a divorce will affect them. So before you decide to get a divorce, consider how it might affect your kids.
- It can be hard to live alone
When you get divorced, financially it can make things harder. You might need to work more or find a higher-paying job to survive all your new expenses each month. If you were a stay-at-home mom, you might need to find a job to support yourself and your children. If your spouse doesn’t pay alimony, can you cover rent, car payments, school tuition, and insurance expenses on your own? Besides the financial hardships, emotionally, living alone can present a whole new challenge of its own.
- You might not be happier
Some couples might be happier after divorce, but studies have shown that most divorced adults are not happier after breaking up with their partners. Divorce doesn’t necessarily end the conflict. You might still argue even after your divorce. This is especially true if you have children together. One study indicated that 90% of couples were happy that they decided to work on their marriage and not get a divorce.
Should I get a divorce?
Psychologists agree that there are certain instances when couples should get divorced. When there is abuse in a marriage, constant cheating, and fighting, then divorce could be a saving grace for a person’s mental health.
- Is there abuse?
If there is any abuse in your marriage, consider getting divorced. If there is physical, sexual, or verbal abuse, getting a divorce can keep you and your children safe and out of harm’s way. If your spouse abuses drugs or alcohol then divorce could also be in the cards. Oftentimes, when a spouse is addicted to substances, they will neglect their family’s financial and emotional needs.
- Is your spouse a serial cheater?
If your spouse does not stop cheating, then it’s time to get out. Why stay in a marriage where someone doesn’t care about your feelings and the pain that they are causing you. If your spouse keeps blaming you for their cheating, then this is a sign that a divorce would be better than sticking it out. Perhaps your spouse has ended their cheating but keeps their flings as friends. Your marriage can not survive in this type of toxic environment. Get out while you still can for your own psychological well-being.
- Everything in your marriage is negative
If every experience you have with your spouse is negative and there is constant fighting, a divorce could be the best option. Children who grow up in violent and angry households suffer terribly emotionally. When parents fight most of the time, it can lead to aggressive behavior in children.
If you are experiencing any of the above in your marriage then a divorce could be a positive step to take. Please read the following to see what the positives of divorce are.
Pros of divorce
- You can get out of a toxic relationship
If your spouse is abusive in any way, then a divorce will be the right thing for your emotional well-being. No one deserves to be abused in any kind of way. Serial cheating is also a form of emotional abuse, making the innocent mate feel worthless and unloved.
- Your children could be happier
As mentioned above, when children see abuse it affects them in negative ways. By getting out of an abusive marriage, your children will have a chance to live a life free from the destruction of abuse. They can live in a stable environment, which all children need.
- You can be happier
If your marriage is soul-destroying, then getting a divorce can help you feel happier. You can experience freedom from a toxic spouse, and find out who you truly are. Everyone deserves to be genuinely loved and cared for with someone who is committed to making you feel safe and happy. By getting a divorce, you could have a second chance at happiness.
On a final note
Divorce is never an easy decision. It means a new chapter in your life and starting over from scratch. Whether you are in a terrible relationship, or if things are just not the same as it was before, divorce is still a tough choice to make. Be informed on how divorce can affect your life, and make sure that whatever you decide will make you happier in the end.