Divorce is the most potent stress for a woman. After breaking up, you have to change your routine way of life, but you sadly recall your favorite joint hobbies and pleasant moments again and again. When the house turned into a battlefield, and the spouses’ feelings changed, then, most likely, the separation will bring relief to both. However, what should you do if you are still in love with ex-husband after a breakup? How to cope with unbearable pain, which is firmly entrenched in the soul and is not going to leave it?
Beginnings are always difficult. It seems to you that the world collapsed, and you see the former husband as your only savior. But he is not. His constant presence next to you has become a vital necessity for you, perhaps you have even lost yourself in him, and now the subconscious mind refuses to perceive the reality without the soulmate, on your own. No matter how sad it is, but you have to get over your ex-husband. It is necessary so that to “recover” and move on after a divorce, to become successful and build a new happy life.
The main thing you need so that to stop loving your husband is to limit communication with him. It sounds banal, and at the same time, it is extremely hard, but, anyway, this is how things work. The stubborn pursuit of a loved one is a mistake of many women after a divorce. They begin to write tearful messages, try to sort things out at a personal meeting, and so on. Do not resort such actions – they are humiliating and negatively affect your self-esteem. Instead of fixating on communicating with your ex-partner, take a while for yourself to suffer. Cry, think about your future life, and you may even take pity on yourself – just do not have to get too carried away with such conduct. Usually, the period of “acute” crisis ends about one to two months after a divorce. This does not mean that after the expiration of the term you will completely forget your ex-husband as well as your feelings. Nevertheless, time will somewhat dull the pain and allow you to move on to further action for a complete “recovery”.
But what are these actions? OnlineDivorce.com gives you some DO and DON’T tips to get over your ex.
Do not revenge
After the break with their husband, many women (especially if they still love him) have a desire to take revenge on the ex-partner. Acting this way, the ladies hope to deal with the love, to kill their passion for a man, but this does not work. Insulting your ex-husband and talking much trash about him to the relatives and friends, you, first of all, do not put your best foot forward. You should try to let go of the thoughts about him and forget about the desire to offend him, if only for the sake of your reputation and self-esteem.
Do not look for a substitute
The logic of some women suggests: to stop loving the husband you need to find a substitute for him urgently. Thus, the girls are trying to kill two birds with one stone – to forget the old relationship and get revenge on their ex-husband, starting to date with a new man. But in fact, everything happens entirely differently. As a rule, divorced women begin to compare the current partner with their husband, which is terrible for the relationship, and the new person does not deserve it. Besides, fleeting romance and affair only hurt even more, not allowing the state of mind to stabilize.
Do not give up on yourself and your personal life but do not rush yourself as well. You may need a lot of time to return to a full life and decide on a new relationship. But let the new relationship be not the goal, but the logical outcome of a situation where you really stop loving your husband and are ready to move on.
Do not take anti-depressants and do not seek solace in alcohol
If you want to get rid of insomnia and improve the work of the nervous system – limit yourself to the use of sedatives with a mild effect, ones with plant origin. As for alcohol, it can attract you with the possibility of slight relaxation and stress removal. But it will not heal your mind and soul, and the pain will only intensify upon awakening. Besides, it is easy to become addicted, and you probably know what it is fraught with.
Do not isolate yourself from society
Do not spend all your time alone. It is good, and even necessary, to cry for some time. But psychologists do not advise to get involved in this for too long. If you stop communicating with friends and family, then you will surely find yourself in a depressive state, from which it will be difficult to get out. Friends, relatives, and parents can become good assistants in overcoming all difficulties. Rely on those closest to you, cause talking about the vicissitudes of your divorce to random acquaintances or colleagues throughout the day, you will only once again annoyingly focus on your distress, without receiving adequate and helpful feedback. The aim of communication is to get support, to ease your emotional well-being, rather than discussing your husband, again and again, idealizing him. And when the first, most irrational, stage of your post-divorce life passes, ask friends and relatives not to mention your ex-spouse. Answer questions of colleagues and acquaintances in a monosyllabic way and give no reason to develop the topic.
Set your mind on changes
Take away or throw away all the gifts of the ex-husband and things reminiscent of him. The same applies to photos – if you do not want to tear them, then at least hide the pictures in the farthest box. It is Ingenuous and trite advice, but it works. It makes no sense to remember him even more often with the help of such symbols. In the same way, a good idea is to rearrange the furniture or redesign your interior. Material things, even such silly stuff, really affect our minds. These plain and simple changes will signal your brain that the new stage is starting right now.
Make plans, review priorities
The best way to cope with a divorce when you still love your husband is to start a new life from scratch. After the wave of strong feelings and resentment subsides, think about yourself as a person and about your further plans. With a divorce, your life has not stopped. Start with accepting who you really are. For many people, divorce is a time of reconsidering the views on many things and phenomena, the search for the benefits of living out of wedlock, as well as the opportunity to get to know yourself and increase your self-esteem. Realize your actual needs and desires, start making plans and set goals, focus on positive effects.
Seek professional help
If you can not figure out how to move on after a divorce, resort the help of a professional psychologist. This will help you to deal with the accumulated emotions, regain faith and respect for yourself, as well as gradually get over your ex-husband.
Besides, the therapist will help not only to survive difficult times but also to seriously deal with more global internal problems and complexes, as well as to analyze past mistakes. Do not consider the psychologist just as a shoulder to cry on. Therapy is not an easy process, and you will need to work a lot on yourself, but it’s worth it.
Any strong thought can give energy to your activity. Fear, anxiety, stress caused by divorce are also very well sublimated. The main thing is not to remain idle, because in this case the energy is wasted, and you feel overwhelmed and tired. Even with the example of severe cases of depression, it was proved that a combination of psychotherapy with regular workouts gives the best result. Sports will not only distract from obsessive, anxious thoughts but also help you feel healthier, physically and morally stronger, more enduring. Each workout can be full of small victories, and this is exactly what you need now – be proud of yourself, love yourself, realize and believe that you are capable of so much!