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If you are using a surrogate to have a baby, it is important to take the proper steps to bond with him or her after delivery.

Many women who use surrogates worry if her baby will bond with them as much as the surrogate right after delivery. While it is true that a newborn baby will naturally have an attachment to the smells and sounds of his or her surrogate, there are ways to transfer that bond to the actual mother once the baby is born.

To help you bond with your baby after delivery through surrogacy, we are providing you with a guide on how to have a baby with a surrogate.

Get ready to become a parent!

1. Grieve Any Losses You Have Had Ahead of Your Surrogate Baby

Many mothers who choose to have babies through an egg donor and surrogacy have already had traumatic birthing/conception experiences. These traumatic experiences range anywhere from miscarriages to failed IVF attempts and more.

To put yourself in a positive mental place so that you can bond with your baby soon after delivery, it is important that you grieve any losses you have had surrounding birthing babies prior to your surrogate baby being born. By grieving your previous birthing losses prior to the arrival of your surrogate baby, you will be better prepared to provide love to your newborn baby.

2. Talk to Your Baby

It is natural for a baby to bond with his or her surrogate while he or she is in the surrogate’s body since the baby is hearing her voice and smelling her scent every day. To make sure that the baby is also bonding with you while in the body of the surrogate, talk to the baby by talking directly to the surrogate’s stomach and abdomen area. You can also record yourself reading books and singing songs and give the recordings to the surrogate to play for the baby during the surrogate’s pregnancy.

3. Be Involved in the Pregnancy Journey

Take the time during the surrogate’s pregnancy to get excited about the baby. To help you build an emotional attachment to the baby prior to the delivery, be involved in your surrogate’s pregnancy. You can do this by meeting up with the surrogate regularly to discuss how the pregnancy has been going and helping her in any way that you can.

You can also go with your surrogate to all her doctor appointments leading up to the delivery. When you are not with the surrogate, you can physically and emotionally prepare for the baby by building a nursery and having your own baby shower.

You can also start shopping for clothes and toys for the baby. That way, by the time the baby is born, you have already built an attachment to him or her in your mind.

4. Slowly Transition the Baby from the Surrogate to Yourself After Delivery

When the time comes for the baby being born, it is important to make the needs of the baby the priority. This means that you need to first let the baby have skin to skin contact with the surrogate since the surrogate is the body that the baby is most familiar with at that time.

Once the baby has had some skin to skin contact time with the surrogate, you can transition the baby to having skin to skin contact time with you. Although this may be hard for you to do, it is the best way to transition the baby from being bonded with the surrogate to being bonded with you.

5. Have Transitional Items

To make the transition of your surrogate baby from the surrogate to you, the mother, easier once you take the baby home with you, have transitional items ready. For example, you can take a stuffed animal that the surrogate slept with during her pregnancy home with you as a comfort item for the baby in the first few months of his or her life. 

Trust in the Surrogacy Process

As hard as it can be to trust a surrogate with your baby during pregnancy, most surrogates are thoroughly vetted to ensure that they are trustworthy and honorable people. Thus, save yourself the stress, and trust in the surrogacy process.

To learn more tips and tricks that can help you through life’s hard times, check out the life section on our website.

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