It’s all about love. Love is universal and all-encompassing, so much so that it exists in all human cultures ever known to us. However, a force so powerful makes us vulnerable to it — we stray from ourselves, enamoured with the world we share with the other person. It happens to all relationships: our family members, friends, and partners.
Yet, when we preserve a sense of self, the quality of our connections also grows. Setting boundaries is among the most effective natural tips for anxiety and depression, and it allows us to preserve healthy self-esteem. We remember the person we are. Today, we’ll cover how to care for others without losing ourselves.
Why Do We Keep Doing This?
The tendency to lose ourselves in relationships stems from several possible causes. People who searched “What is Liven” and became its users provided the following after doing a lot of inner work.
1. Attachment Wounds and Fear of Abandonment
Individuals with anxious attachment style, which is often shaped by inconsistent caregiving in childhood, may suppress their own needs. They believe that expressing their desires in a way that distinguishes them from others can be seen as a threat to the intimate connection. They think that it’ll lead to rejection.
2. Enmeshment and Identity Diffusion
Many unhealthy dynamics, especially with struggling partners or parents, destroy emotional boundaries. This can cause some to absorb the emotions, needs, and values of the other person to an extreme extent. Identity diffusion is common when someone’s sense of self hasn’t yet fully developed outside of relationships.
3. People Pleasing
Many people-pleasers sacrifice their desires and goals to appease those they love. It begins to look like chronic accommodation — and yet, without voicing the issue, they make the other side blind to it.
4. Cultural and Gender Expectations
We are the products of our environment. More collectivist and conservative cultures usually assign specific roles to different people, making them dependent on approval. In most societies, women also frequently become the victims of the “live for others” worldview.
Have an Experience of Living Alone
We often live with someone for our entire lives without realizing that we don’t even know how to live alone. While growing up, we are surrounded by family. Then comes college, then marriage. As a result, we don’t have the experience of being in our own place, which is significantly different from sharing space with someone.
If possible, don’t immediately jump from one co-living situation to another. Learn about what sort of laundry conditioner you prefer, what foods you like, and what music you blast when doing your chores. These small things are the forms of freedom we may restrict from showing up when there’s someone else near. Plus, it ensures that you develop the necessary and basic home maintenance and chores skills on your own.
Maintain a Life Outside the Relationship
Do you know those who forget about their hobbies, friends, and other activities when they enter a relationship? There may be a moment of infatuation when both sides want to spend as much time together as they can. Nonetheless, we are whole humans without someone else, and we need to make time for solo trips, hobbies, and career pursuits.
Learn to Set and Keep Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t some scary and invisible barriers that make us mean. They simply distinguish us from others. Ideally, all of us should have the skill of setting boundaries early on, but it’s rarely the case. Analyze whether you can set boundaries on your own or need assistance from a therapist — and then, start implementing this knowledge bit by bit.
Those who love you won’t feel threatened by boundaries after you explain why they matter. And, most importantly, maintain those limits you’ve set. A lack of any response sets the example for future oversteps.
Conduct Regular Check-Ins
Ask yourself: Am I still honoring my values? Have I stopped doing things I love? Do I feel safe expressing my needs? A weekly check-in can help you notice when you’re drifting away from yourself. Having a small date with yourself while having a cup of tea is a comfortable way to keep this tradition going.
Do That Inner Work
People who address their attachment and self-worth difficulties typically have a healthier attitude towards their loved ones. Therapy, self-help, or even inner child work can all support your focus on yourself. Connections where all sides prioritize their mental well-being tend to be the most resilient.
Allow for Individual Growth
Sometimes, we are afraid of distancing ourselves from others so much that progress in any dimension can feel like betrayal. Remember that when one person grows, it should make the other one happy, too. Talk openly about your personal goals, celebrate each other’s growth, and re-negotiate relationship dynamics as you evolve.
Communicate
Communication is the most essential but often overlooked part of a healthy relationship dynamic. Encourage feedback sharing without judgment or taking offense. Don’t hesitate to ask questions and encourage conversations beyond those we consider “easy.”
Conclusion
Even though we crave affection, losing ourselves in others can ultimately harm everyone involved. Communicating, self-reflecting, and setting boundaries will give us the independence we need. When we don’t stop enjoying our life outside of a shared connection, we grow together. And this teaches us new ways to love.
